


look after me

by interruptedbyfjreworks



Series: tour fics [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cuddles, Fluff, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 10:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interruptedbyfjreworks/pseuds/interruptedbyfjreworks
Summary: phil helps dan relax with face masks and cuddles.





	look after me

Dan sat at one end of the couch, legs stretched out to reach the other armrest and laptop balancing on his thighs. Phil had his headphones on with his face screwed up in concentration as he edited a new gaming video at the small table. 

The constant rumble of the bus moving along the highway and the occasional rattle of glasses in the cupboards made it impossible for Dan to focus on what he was trying to do. He had been trying to properly plan out his next main channel video for well over a month but was never able to get very far due to the persistent buzzing in his mind about literally anything else. Sighing in frustration, he slammed his laptop closed and stood up suddenly, stumbling a bit as the bus hit a bump in the road. 

"What are you doing?" Phil asked, looking up from his own work and taking off his headphones. 

"I can't focus," Dan said simply, plopping himself down across from Phil at the table and placing his feet in his lap. Instinctively, Phil began to massage Dan's feet, most likely sensing his boyfriend's frustration. Dan leaned his head back against the wall and sighed deeply, closing his eyes to try and clear his mind. 

"And why do you think that is?" Phil was taking the "therapist" approach that he had learned from going with Dan to a few of his therapy sessions. Dan's therapist had taught Phil ways to help Dan in situations like this, whether it be small things like not being able to focus or bigger things like depressive episodes. As much as the stereotypical questions annoyed Dan, he was thankful that Phil wanted to help him in whatever ways he could.

Dan shrugged, opening his eyes and glancing at Phil. "I think there's just too much going on around me to be able to get any work done. You know I get distracted very easily." Phil nodded and continued to rub at the soles of Dan's aching feet. 

"Do you just want to relax tonight? We have those face masks you bought us that we could use. We could watch a movie in the mirror lounge too if you want." 

Dan smiled slightly, tilting his head a bit and nodding. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Phil gently lowered Dan's feet to the ground and stood up, reaching his hand out for Dan to take. "Go pick out a movie and get comfy. I'll be in there in a minute." 

Dan shuffled back to the mirror lounge, grabbing a blanket from his bunk on the way. Dan could hear Phil opening the microwave, most likely making popcorn. He couldn't help but giggle when Phil yelped out in pain, probably surprised by the hot bag.

After a few minutes, Phil walked in balancing two bowls of popcorn and two facemasks in his hands. Dan smiled up at him and reached out to take the popcorn. 

"Do you want a cooling cucumber mask or a refreshing citrus one?" Phil asked, squinting at the packages. 

"I'll take cucumber." 

Phil handed the mask to Dan and they both ripped into them, clumsily laying them on their faces. Phil's was very messy and wouldn't lay flat on his face, making him look slightly like a mummy. They both laughed as Phil struggled to get it on right. 

As soon as Dan felt the coolness of the sheet mask on his face he instantly felt more relaxed. The smell of the cucumber wafted up into his nose and he could feel his mind clearing more with each breath. Phil grabbed the remote and pressed play on their movie, settling in close to Dan so they could share a blanket. It was a slightly awkward position, them both squeezed together on the small couch, but neither of them seemed to mind. Dan just wanted to be close to Phil and Phil wanted whatever Dan wanted. 

"How long are we supposed to keep these on for?" Dan asked as he yawned quietly.

"I think the package said fifteen minutes."

Dan let out a small laugh and said, "I don't even know if I'll be able to stay awake that long." 

It wasn't until Dan got under the blanket and was able to take his mind off of everything that he realized just how exhausted he was. It was only 10:30 and yet he felt like he could fall asleep at any moment. The calming rise and fall of Phil's chest and the thumping of his heart was putting him into a tranquil state.

"Don't worry, I'll take your mask off if you fall asleep so your face doesn't fall off." Phil jokingly reached down and splayed his hand across Dan's face, shaking it slightly for effect. 

"I can tell you're really looking out for me, Phil." 

"Always, babe." Phil's tone was joking but they both knew it was more than that. Even just tonight, when it was clear Dan needed a break, Phil was there to help him. Phil was the one to look after Dan when he couldn't do it himself. 

Dan burrowed deeper into the blanket and laid his head on Phil's chest, closing his eyes and focusing on his heartbeat. The movie playing on the T.V. was just background noise as his eyelids grew heavy and he began to drift off to sleep. 

\----------

He was woken up by Phil placing soft kisses on his face, each one coming closer to his lips but never reaching them. When Dan finally opened his eyes Phil pressed a final kiss to Dan's mouth. 

"You taste like cucumber," Phil mumbled, eyes closed and lips pulled into a grin, his breath warm on Dan's face. 

At some point, while sleeping, Dan shifted to lay completely horizontal, head in Phil's lap. Phil was leaning over him now, faces centimeters apart. 

"Good to know the mask worked then, didn't it?" 

"I guess so."

Dan began to sit up slowly, drawing the blanket around his shoulders when his bare arms hit the cold air. "How long was I asleep?"

Phil shrugged and wrapped his arms around Dan's shoulders, attempting to warm him up a bit more. "Probably only twenty minutes or so. I just woke you up 'cause you should probably get into a real bed if you're gonna fall asleep." Dan nodded but still made no move to get up. Instead, he leaned back against Phil and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. 

Sleeping in a "real" bed meant sleeping in a tiny bunk, all alone. Though he was tired enough that he could fall asleep pretty much anywhere at the moment, he really didn't want to sleep without Phil tonight. Phil's presence was the only thing keeping his mind from worrying about the loads of work he had to do. 

"Can I sleep in your bunk tonight?"

Phil put his head on Dan's shoulder and kissed the shell of his ear. "Of course," he whispered. Dan stood up and walked out to the bunks, watching as Phil turned off the movie and threw away their garbage, finally sliding into his bunk.

Dan went in after him, scooting back until Phil could wrap him up in his arms and bury his nose in Dan's hair. 

Dan really just needed to be held right now, so this was perfect. Sure, they were a bit cramped and Dan's arm would probably be numb when he woke up since he was laying on top of it, but it was fine. All that mattered was that Phil was next to him and he was calm. 

"Do you maybe want to give your therapist a call tomorrow? Just to talk about what's on your mind and figure out how to get back into the swing of things, I mean." 

His therapist had made sure, at their last session before they left for tour, that Dan and Phil both had all of her contact information in case something came up. Dan had been reluctant to take it, telling both his therapist and Phil that he could handle it himself, but Phil insisted he take it anyways. 

Dan not being able to focus wasn't terrible when compared to other things he'd gone to his therapist about, but he knew, for him, it was typically one of the signs that something worse was coming. Nothing he couldn't handle, as he had so many times before, but it was probably best to talk to someone about it before it happened. 

"I think I might call her," he said quietly, nodding slightly. 

Now that Dan thought about it, he had been feeling more of those familiar signs that his depression was creeping up again. He'd been much more tired than usual, even for being on tour, and in general, his motivation had been pretty low. The majority of the time, adrenaline from meeting so many people and performing had been enough to distract him from it all. 

Dan knew that when the inevitable happened and the black cloud came to surround him, everything would feel impossible. There was no telling how soon it would come, so Dan had to remind himself now that it would pass. When the day came, he would still have to hug people and smile for pictures, then get up on a stage for thousands of people and put it on a show. Everything would have to seem normal despite the battle going on in his head. 

And maybe some fans would pick up on it and say something online. Maybe other people would look at pictures of him at the meet-and-greet and say things like, "He looks tired," and, "He seems sad." So what? It's not like depression was a dirty secret of his that nobody could know about. It was a real thing and he wasn't ashamed of it. If people noticed something was off, he didn't care. He was allowed to have bad days and their fans knew that. 

So, yeah, Dan would talk to his therapist tomorrow. He would tell her that he could see it coming and they would talk about ways he could make it a bit easier on himself. She would remind him that it wasn't his fault he was like this and that he had gone through it so many times before and he could do it again. 

He also had to remind himself that he was never alone during these times. Phil was always there for him, whether that be as his boyfriend, there to cuddle and ground him, or just as someone to talk to when he had too much on his mind. Phil was always helping Dan in some way, whether he knew it or not. 

Phil had been silent for a while and Dan thought for a minute that he had fallen asleep. "Phil?" he whispered, not wanting to wake him up in case he was sleeping. 

"Yeah?"

Dan chewed on his bottom lip. He honestly wasn't sure what he was going to say, he just wanted Phil to say something so he knew he was there. "I love you."

Dan could feel Phil's lips quirk up into a smile against his neck. "I love you, too. Now, go to sleep. I can tell you're thinking too much."

Dan grinned sleepily. Phil knew him too well.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr @interruptedbyfjreworks!!  
> kudos/comments are appreciated!!


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